Last night outside the pub after having said goodbye to the rest of our party, I was giving my friend Tanya a ride home. We walked down the street with the wind blowing wildly, the sky about to rain at any moment. Just as we were about to get in the car a lady a half a block down the street, who was closely followed by a man in a motorized wheelchair, yelled and asked me, “Sir, do you have a dollar bill I can have for four quarters?” I just happened to have a bunch of dollars to potentially do laundry some time this month (groan), and so reached for my wallet. She ran on ahead to us and made the transaction. Just as it was ending, and while the 4 quarters were still sitting stacked and heavy in my fingers, providing the satisfaction that a solid stack of coins is wont to provide, the man in the wheelchair rolled up and asked me, “Sir, do you have any spare change?” I was a bit at a loss as to what exactly to say to such blunt work at the con, so I just said, “Um, yeah, sure. Here you go.” A moment later and we were in the car laughing at the blantant lack of subtly of it all, with the image of the pair moving down the street, once again together, in the rearview mirror. Who knows, it was late, it was getting ready to rain, they may have thought, “What the heck, let’s give it a shot.”
The rest of the ride home was a discussion on the con-people we have known in and around St. Louis, and I am sure if you live here you could add many other examples to a discussioin, which while often humorous, of course also has a rather serious side to it. What does one do, after all, when someone asks you for money, particularly if you are a sensitive (neurotic?) sort who gets overly worried about doing the right thing, particularly when the $1 you give to a panhandler is exactly 1/51st of the amount that you and 4 friends just spent at a bar). I imagine, though that a consideration of this question is equally important for our more hardnosed counterparts who perhaps sometimes too easily brush off such requests, based on any number of rationales, and rarely do anything all.
First of all, I am challenged and encouraged by the fact that people who I admire a great deal, who live and work with the poor, are sometimes quite hardnosed themselves with panhandlers. I am not saying that they are necessarily hardnosed all the time or are necessarily right when they are, but it is a healthy antidote to either my literalist Jesus-said-to-give-to-whomever-asks-you mentality or to my bleeding-heart tendencies.
One approach to take, particularly in light of last night’s pub and panhandler proximity, might be that of St. C.S. “Jack” Lewis:
“Also memorable was Jack’s ‘enormous compassion and charity.’ Douglas recalls a story where Jack and a friend were walking to a meeting one day when they were approached by a beggar. The beggar asked them for some spare change whereupon Jack gave him everything he had. Once the beggar had gone, his friend said, ‘You shouldn’t have given that man all that money Jack, he’ll only spend it on drink.’ Jack’s reply – ‘Well, if I’d kept it, I would have only spent it on drink.'”
Now as much as I love Jack Lewis, this would hardly be a practical approach much less a very wise and loving one in all circumstances. Still, perhaps it is a helpful story in understanding the relative expenses for the things we hold important vis a vis those who have far less. Going farther down that road, especially considering those in other countries, might even provie a further corrective, one, though, that can sometimes become unhelpful if we allow it to paralyze us or make us dour misers who rigidly ensure that we spend money on nothing that is frivilous, because of course that slippery slope goes down a long way. There will always be someone who has less than you, who lives a simpler lifestyle, and who has relatively far less, no matter how much we might choose to renounce. Of course, this is too often used as an easy out, but nonetheless there is some truth here.
I suppose with panhandlers, the best approach I have found is to try to take them at their word. If they say they are hungry, take them to a restaurant and buy them something to eat and sit with them, if you have the time, and have a chat. If they need clothes, give them some of yours, if you can manage it. If they need a ride, buy them a bus fare or give them a ride if you deem it safe. These are challenging things to do, because we are giving something away which we value a great deal, our time, along with some of our resources, but also because such an approach asks for us to connect and engage, when it is far easier just to see “problem folk” coming ahead and cross the street (guilty as charged) or say “No, I can’t help you” and walk on (ditto) when “won’t” might be a truer verb.
Engaging people, and doing it sincerely and not simply just to get them off your back, also affords the person the opportunity to act with integrity and dignity. If they are really scamming you and are not interested in anything but cash for whatever they want it for, then it will become apparent very quickly. If they are hungry and are willing to go have a meal with you, well then you sometimes get to have the sort of conversation evangelism seminars strain to provide you techniques to achieve. Of course, I believe, that if you are genuinely offering someone a meal, it should not have to be a quid pro quo for them having to have to listen to you give them a gospel outline. Treat people conversationally like you would want to be treated and see where it goes.
Now, of course, these are just some thoughts which barely scratch the surface. There are other questions to ask. Does one do these things even for the fixture on your block who seems, on some level at least, to be managing quite well? Are we ever responsible to do anything more for people? If so, what? How do we manage it? How much is that to interrupt our lives?
Well, a rather humorous story turned out into a bit of a serious blog post. I wonder what would have asked the woman what she need a whole dollar for instead of change or only given the man $0.50 back 😉