Dear Aurelia,
I have not had a fantastic 24 hours. Your comments, which I thank you for sharing with me before you posted them and asking me if I minded if you did, created within in me the type of panicky fear I have experienced only at the end of a close relationship or with loss in general. Partly they arise out of feelings of rejection, even if that is not logically based. Partly they arise out of fear of having to have extremely emotional discussions and not feeling at all up to the task. But you have been feeling similarly strong feelings of anger as a result of my story, and so it is entirely appropriate that I hear you and take my licks. I say that knowing that you are not intending to give me any licks at all, but just expressing the feelings of hurt and anger you have felt as a result of my story. So let me tell you of how I wrote that story and what I intended it to accomplish.

I began thinking about this story the day after the party at which it happened as I was riding my lawn mower at my father’s house. It may have been immediately afterwards or sometime in the next few days, but I wrote the story very quickly. Did I have one to one correlations in mind as I created the characters and dialog? Not too many, but that is not the entire story. “Dave” was based on me largely, but I did not view him as the ideal, as he simply checks out and disengages and shuns people by his silent disapproval. There were many ways in the past in which this was, indeed, my approach, but it was not something even when I wrote this story of which I was particularly proud. I have been much more ashamed and repentant of similar types of behavior to you and others since the time of this story. That for me is a closed book, though, which I open only to inform me about present behavior and attitudes
And the reactions of the people who stay when Dave leaves and their dialog, were they specifically mapped to individuals? A few probably were, more or less. The following exchange, though, I did clearly map in my mind to you and most of the others there:
“Oh, sorry, I really oughtn’t speak so vulgarly I suppose.” (James)
“Oh, don’t worry. We don’t really mind. You should hear some of the stuff we say around here anyway.” (Anonymous party attendee)
Beyond these connections, though, quite quickly the story began to take on dimensions that did not have one to one correlations with real events or people. In the story, the people who stayed were a mixture of people who had varying notions of what was permissible and appropriate for Christians to engage in. I created James to address assumptions on all sides. This is the thesis of the story:
“Oh, I didn’t say that you weren’t religious, I said you were odd. You’re rather schizophrenic about God aren’t you. Half of you have this super-pious front and then mess about in private, and the other half claim to be Christians and it doesn’t seem to make a bit of a difference in what you do. It all seems a bit silly to me.”
It was in essence about aligning our lives more to God�s will no matter whether we tend to be super-pious outwardly or overly permissive.
Another important question that I wanted to ask was this:
“What would Jesus do? That’s the question we’re talking about isn’t it. I mean certain things I know that he wouldn’t do. Hire a stripper for example. But you know the passages in Scripture where he spends time with prostitutes and sinners. I love them. But I want to know more about them. Lets say Jesus is at lunch one day and somebody pops off a filthy joke. What does Jesus do?”
“I don’t know is this question some kind of joke?”
“No, I’m dead serious. I want to know the answer. I know you might think a
stripper may not think of these things, but I do at times. I don’t suppose he would have the harsh judgment of the fundamentalist or the quisling acceptance of the liberals. It would be something completely different, and I wish I could see it.”
I did not then, nor do not now, have an answer for this. I think I am closer to living like Jesus in this area, but there are still things, situations, areas which I do not either have the knowledge or courage to be like Jesus.
As to making this story public. I can only say that it did take on a life and purpose of its own for me far beyond and removed from the actual events which inspired it. I viewed it as a piece that could be helpful in prompting discussion (some of the type of discussion we have been having on this blog, excepting the personal bits). I was actually proud of the writing of it, even though I came to realize that it did pretty much fall in the genre of a type of Christian literature, as only those who more or less shared my assumptions thought it in any way profound or clever. To its defense, though, the editor of The Wittenburg Door, about as sarcastic of a Christian magazine as you can get, thought I wrote very well and thought the story to be funny and poignant, and, hence, not really appropriate for the more overtly satirical and less didactic Door. I was proud of that rejection letter. Based on the reaction of some of my non-Christian friends, which were either hostile or indifferent, I gathered that it was really about topics that found no resonance with them. It was not then in any way subtly apologetic, but, as it is bizarrely proving to be, an in house or in family story for family discussion.
As to giving this story to you to read, I confess that that was pretty much a passive-aggressive attempt, an indirect, here-read-something-to-fix-you type of discipleship. And for the assumption that that was in anyway appropriate and for hurting you by doing it I am sorry and ask for your forgiveness.
As to the other points in your letter as to what should motivate us to obey God, I completely agree that love for God and not fear of him or of the opinion of others should be the motivating factor. And in deciding against sin, again love and not fear of others should be the motivating factor. I have learned these lessons pretty well I think, though I am pretty much hardwired to look out for the approval of others.
There is also the responsibility, though, to help brothers and sisters in Christ avoid sin. Most clearly our pastors and elders can and should call us on the carpet on gross (and perhaps also persistent) moral failure. And the church discipline model of going to your brother alone and then with someone and then bring them before the elders shows that this process is initiated by peers. And it should be noted that this process is always redemptive. It is designed to re-include people into the church, not exclude them unless, they self-choose that.
That is the easy area. The more difficult areas are the grey areas and how we help one another grow and attempt to overcome sin, both of which ultimately are an individual�s own responsibility before God. Well, aside from parents with children and elders with church members the only way to do this is through mutual agreement with a friend with what we want help on and giving certain permissions to one another.
If we disagree on the grey areas (and, Aura, you and I do on many), then we may have to just mutually avoid them while with one another, instead of one person bullying one another. And in as much as I have bullied you through this story and through my words and actions in the past, I am sorry and ask for your apology.
Thank you for your reply and the tone and care of each of your posts, some of which I may go back and address individually.
Love, your brother,
Neil